Apparently I have not posted for five days. It’s an easy habit to fall out of with five kids. Gaby had this chest infection and it has thrown the sleep training. Of course I had her in the bed when she was wheezing! So now she is going down ok at 8 but then waking around 11-1 for a feed and then wants to get up at half five.

The real issue is that when I put her back in her cot after the feed we are back to sometimes relentless crying. So we have DH being woken and not able to get back to sleep, the boys thankfully seem mostly to sleep through. I actually took pity on DH and drove a little today as it is blatantly obvious that he is far less able to cope with lack of sleep than me. Maybe it’s habit, he thinks it’s genetic! You smirk but apparently man flu does exist so why not say that thet are Ill equipped to do the night feeds while we are at it!

Either way we are back to me getting up and either staying on her room patting her or leaving her to cry. Remarkably DH managed to get her back to sleep in the evening shift by patting. In fact I think it worked better from him as she knows there is no chance of a feed. I did try to upsell that one to little avail as he always plays the driver card.

We have had a rocky time to be frank. After a week of really extreme sleep deprivation I was ratty and he was subsequently short with me and between us we were in no mans land for a while.  There is the continuous bickering over my estranged brother as well.  DH seems desperate for information but his blatant dislike makes me loathe to share. It only rubs salt in the wound for me to talk about someone I am all but forbidden to see. Well I can see him but the kids cannot.

DS1 asked is DH’s dad was dead as of course he is verboten too. When I write it down it seems ridiculous that I have gone along with these bannings just to keep the peace.

And as as Christmas looms I find myself getting sadder and angrier that this so called family time had been marred by his grudges. His sister is not black listed as she is not offensive – the other two have been along with my older brother who was positively vile to us at one stage.

I end up seeming the bad guy as I now refuse to play happy families with his sister and mom preferring to drop the kids and scarper. That is what I fully intend to do this year and it gives me a weird satisfaction as it is the only card I have left.

Funny the thoughts that plague me in the wee hours. I must resolve to have a wonderful Christmas with my kids and divorce myself from this resentment. Spot the pun.

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